Thank you to everyone who helped encourage me after my last post. I hit kind of a breaking point that week and had a mini-meltdown to LG, my therapist, and my mom, who volunteered to come up here to Brooklyn and help me tackle some baby prep. So while we still have a lot to do, the newborn clothes are at least sorted/cleaned/put in drawers and we have the co-sleeper in our room and the infant car seat is in the trunk of the car. One of these days we’ll install it, I’m sure.
The dissertation progresses slowly. The teaching still takes up a lot of time. At 36+ weeks I’m physically coming up empty a lot of the time–heavy, tired, dealing with a lot of pelvic pain. But I also decided to stop working after 38 weeks, so I have a little rest–maybe a few weeks, maybe a few days–to anticipate. And I am looking forward to it indeed.
And my Smudgie remains such a little star. At 25 months, he is a chatting, laughing, lovable little boy. He adores helping: “[Smudgie], can you get me your shoes?” I ask and he responds with the cutest little chirping “Oka-yeee!” Lately he’s been coming up to me when I’m sitting on the couch or a chair and saying, “Hi Mommy! Hi Mommy!” and snuggling up against me. It melts my heart every time.
I’ve held a few newborns recently. God, they’re small, aren’t they? And sweet sleepy little bundles. I am still nervous about how I will manage with two, and increasingly nervous about the birth, which I don’t feel like I’ve had time to prepare for emotionally. But I am so looking forward to lying (on my back!) on the couch with a resting little nugget on my chest. As much as I want to finish all my projects first, to make it full term at 39 weeks, to have another easy birth, I know it will be okay if any of those things doesn’t happen as planned.
* * *
In other news, Smudgie had a splendid Halloween in our neighborhood. He did a little trick or treating at local stores and houses, saw a “haunted house” that a set designer who lives down the block builds every year in his brownstone’s front lot–this year’s theme was a skeleton pirate ship–and even got to watch the delightful Park Slope Halloween parade from atop LG’s shoulders. He was the most adorable Kermit the Frog as you can plainly see:
* * *
This post has taken me a few days to write. During the process, I’ve had more “Things Can Never Be Simple, Can They?” news: LG’s step-father has had a surgery scheduled for just a few days before Nu-nu’s due date, which means my mother-in-law can no longer watch Smudgie if I go into labor around then. And the sister who live in my neighborhood and was the night-time stand-by for labor is starting a new job that week, too, and might have to go to Sweden for work. I’ve got an e-mail chain of about seven people on-line to watch him at various times of the day or night, but this older kid stuff is really complicated. I remember when our biggest worry was making sure our dog would get walked while we were in the hospital. Now I’m concerned we’ll be bringing my toddler to the hospital, where LG will have to sit with him in the waiting room while I labor alone with the doula.
But at 37 weeks I’m at least feel prepared in my unpreparedness. I guess we’ll figure it out somehow and then the baby will be here and I’ll get to meet this little guy or girl (I’m thinking guy lately) and we’ll just sort it out.